Why Therapy Doesn’t Work (Until You Do This…)

Therapy
Written By Nisha Yadav

“Therapy isn’t something done to you; it’s something you do with your therapist. It takes patience, practice, and a willingness to get uncomfortable.”

So, you finally decide to try therapy. You book the appointment, show up, and spill your life story.

The therapist nods, asks some thought-provoking questions, and maybe gives you a worksheet or two. But after a few sessions, you start wondering—why isn’t this working?

Maybe you feel exactly the same. Maybe you're frustrated that you're not magically cured of anxiety, self-doubt, or whatever brought you in. Before you throw in the towel and label therapy as a scam, let’s talk about the one thing that actually makes therapy work: you.

Therapy Isn’t a Magic Fix (Sorry, But It’s True)

Here’s the thing: therapy isn’t like getting a haircut. You don’t just sit there, let the professional do their thing, and walk out feeling brand new. Therapy is more like personal training for your mind—you’ve got to show up, do the reps, and push through discomfort if you want results.

In fact, research shows that client engagement is one of the biggest predictors of therapy success (Wampold & Imel, 2015). That means therapy isn’t just about having a great therapist—it’s about what you bring to the table.

Here’s What Actually Makes Therapy Work

1. Doing the Work Outside of Sessions

If you only think about therapy during therapy, you're missing the point. Change happens in real life, not just in that one-hour session.

Studies suggest that practicing new skills outside of therapy significantly improves outcomes (Kazantzis et al., 2018). That means if your therapist suggests journaling, setting boundaries, or trying mindfulness exercises—give it a shot. Those small actions add up.

2. Getting Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable

Growth is messy. Therapy often brings up painful emotions, uncomfortable realizations, and hard conversations. But avoiding the discomfort keeps you stuck in old patterns.

A study published in Cognitive Behaviour Therapy found that clients who lean into discomfort and actively challenge their thoughts experience greater symptom improvement (Arch et al., 2012). In other words, therapy works best when you're willing to face the hard stuff.

3. Being Honest (Even When it Sucks)

Your therapist isn’t a mind reader. If you hold back because you’re embarrassed or worried about being judged, you’re only limiting your own progress.

A study on therapeutic alliance (Horvath & Greenberg, 1994) found that honest and open communication between client and therapist is one of the strongest factors in therapy success. That means telling the truth—even if it’s, “I don’t think this is working for me.”

4. Understanding that Progress Isn’t Linear

You might feel amazing after one session, only to crash the next week. That doesn’t mean therapy isn’t working—it means you're growing.

Therapist Lori Gottlieb (author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone) describes progress in therapy like a game of Chutes and Ladders. Some days you climb, other days you slide back, but as long as you keep playing, you’re still in the game.

So, Does Therapy Work?

Yes—but only if you work. Therapy isn’t something done to you; it’s something you do with your therapist. It takes patience, practice, and a willingness to get uncomfortable.

So if you’ve been feeling stuck, ask yourself:

  • Am I actually doing the work outside of sessions?

  • Am I being honest with my therapist (and myself)?

  • Am I expecting therapy to "fix" me instead of helping me grow?

If you answered no to any of these, it might be time to shift your approach.

And if you’re ready to do the work, Abode Wellness Collective is here to help.

Book a session today—we promise, no fluff, just what matters.

 

Hi, I’m Nisha, a psychotherapist and life coach based in Ontario, Canada. I’m here to help you feel better.

I’m here to keep it real—no fluff, no jargon, just honest conversations about mental health, money, and life’s messy moments. Follow along for insights that feel like a deep chat on the comfiest couch.

With love,

Nisha

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Nisha Yadav